Expert Valentine’s Day advice Part one
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and to make sure you don’t waste the most romantic day of the year we enlisted the help of r elationship expert Susan Quilliam to suggests the top Valentine’s Day movies to get your date in the mood for love…
Film has the power to move you, but it’s not always the obvious choice, the romcom, that’s guaranteed to get you in the mood for love. The psychology of love (and lust) is a little more complex. To get your date in the mood for love on Valentine’s Day, watch out for moments that really push their ‘passion buttons’. If a moment enthrals, terrifies, or bring tears to your date’s eyes, that’s your chance to make a move.
Watching a film can evoke certain feelings and help lower our emotional barriers, making these moments the ideal opportunity to get up close and personal. To prolong the film’s ‘lust-creating’ effect, make sure to talk about all the key moments afterwards so you can intensely relive them together. And once the credits have rolled, you can get down to acting on what you’re both feeling.
Liz Bales from film search engine FindAnyFilm.com, said, “Film viewing is a firm favourite Valentine’s date because it offers a shared but intimate experience that doesn’t need to cost the earth. And this year there are more ways to enjoy film than ever, from a hot date out to the cinema, to cosying up with a laptop in bed.”
Susan Quilliam’s Valentine’s Day movie guide
What to look for in a film:
1) Guys like to look, girls like to listen
It’s a cliché but it’s true; men are more turned on by what they see, women by what they hear – which is one reason why a man loves page 3 of his newspaper and why a girl likes to have sweet nothings whispered in her ear. So your February 14th film choice needs to major on whichever sense your date favours; he’s going to need some visual turn-ons to get him going, while she will need seductive tones in order for her senses to take over.
2) Girls like plot, guys like action
Very few women get instantly turned on; to feel aroused they have to have setting, context, a relationship – the sense of a story. So film-wise they need a convincing plot, one where they can imagine being the heroine, drawn inevitably into passion. Men’s need for plot, on the other hand, is minimal; they like instant action, be that in the bedroom or out of it, in order to feel aroused.
3) Girls and guys together like it subtle
When the emphasis is on romance – as it is on Valentine’s Day – overt hot action in a film can be counter-productive. And that’s not just true for women who want to be romantically seduced. Men too can be put off by too much raunch, feeling that then they have to match up. So, subtle sensuality, yes – heavy-duty sexuality, no.
4) Both girls and guys like the adrenalin
Heart pumping, pulse racing, breath coming in gasps – everyone’s autonomic nervous system leaps into adrenalin top gear when they’re making love. Fascinatingly though, if one gets those same physiological responses through other things than lovemaking – through the roller coaster of watching an action film, for example – the adrenalin rush makes it very easy for one’s body to tip over into arousal.
5) Both girls and guys need the feel good factor
A funny, positive film not only puts you in a good mood, which in turn relaxes you, energises you, and makes you more open to physical contact and emotional bonding. But also, smiling and laughing together shows that you understand each other, share the same view of things – and that in turn makes you willing to get ‘close’ in more ways than one.
6) Girls like to have a good cry
That said, being tearful also make us want to leap into each other’s arms. Women in particular lower their emotional barriers when feeling sad and want to be physically intimate in order to be supported. So from that weepy film it may be only a short step to feeling close enough to do more than just cuddle.
7) Guys like to feel successful
For guys especially, eagerness for action is often linked with confidence outside the bedroom, in everyday life. And few things boost a guy’s confidence more than watching a film with a hero he identifies with and who faces danger, beats off his enemy, and survives triumphant. A hero film that leaves a man feeling good about himself bodes well for later in the evening.
8 ) Both girls and guys need just a bit of…. fear
Finally, a fascinating American study suggests that just a little anxiety can not only be sexually arousing but also make you more likely to jump the next potential partner you meet. Arthur Aron’s research (1974 et seq) showed that when subjects walked across an unstable bridge, they were more likely to ask the research assistant out on a date! So a film that makes you want to cover your eyes and shriek a little is likely to make you feel even more attracted to your date.
Yes, you’re hardly likely to get all eight of these elements in one movie. Plus, people vary, and so while one may fall for a plot-heavy weepy, another may want an action packed adrenalin burst. You do need to tailor your approach to your particular beloved.
